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Tomato Sandwiches

(You Can Bring The Tomato Sandwiches on the Canoe)


Whatever happened to the lazy days of summer that consisted so simply of canoe rides on the nearest lake, your best friend’s delightful disclosure of little secrets held onto since Fall and tomato sandwiches on the porch?  And what became of children spending the entire afternoon scouring neighborhood lawns in search of all manner of insect, mason jar with holes in the lid in tow?  Those days, it seems, have made way for a higher-brow sort of summer.  I hear all about the trips and experiences of a lifetime but being the sort who is captive to familiar things, I’m not one to give up on a good canoe ride…tried and true.  And so, with summer here it makes me wonder.  Must I really spend six weeks “summering” in the Hamptons or scaling the North Face to feel like I measure up on the Worthy Summer Scale?  Honestly, is it really necessary that I sit, interested for 5 minutes and then bored to the point of suicide for the next 90, hearing about my neighbors excursion to some remote Basque Country location to herd and shear sheep, spin the wool into yarn and then knit 4,000 sweaters for the needy children in nearby villages?   Real nice and all but it makes my tomato sandwich excursion come up a little short.  It doesn’t help matters that they’ll end the trip with a private audience with the Dalai Lama himself which, incidentally, earns your kid a semesters worth of college credit.  You can imagine that my  Jerry Garcia look-alike sighting in Golden Gate Park during a free concert just isn’t as impressive. What became of the hypnotic afternoons of well-worn quilts spread about the lawn and strewn with the latest trashy magazines and Tupperware containers filled with strawberries soaked in sugary syrup?  No more.  Now we’re compelled to head to exotic corners of the world for Tantric Yoga Inner Balancing Retreats.  Our heirloom quilts are trumped by 5,000 thread count organic Egyptian cotton spa sheets and our beloved strawberries, now thought too sugary, have been replaced with cucumber infused mineral water.  Ohh, sigh, lament, sigh, lament….Is the call of the Great Wall of China that much more commanding  than that of the latest from Dan Brown or J.K. Rowlings?  Must I endure 17 hours of germ infested strangers on a means of travel fraught with the potential for disaster?  The friendly skies seeming less and less friendly.  How about the pilgrimage to the hammock in my backyard which holds so little potential for a tragic demise?  I suppose with the current thinking my parents would have been considered irresponsible for allowing us to ride our bikes downhill, onto the dock and straight into the lake…no helmets, no life jackets.  Our shoes came off the last day of school and didn’t go back on until it resumed in the Fall.  Pure, unadulterated reckless abandon.  The elixir of life…ours to savor every long and lazy day of summer.  Now, not so much.  I think the latest hysteria is that you’ll get a terrible, life threatening disease from running around barefoot and if word got out now-a-days that kids are having too much fun some nibby-nosed parent would have it shut down in a matter of minutes.  Far better the precious free time of our over-booked youth be packed to capacity with exorbitantly priced camps whose mission to profoundly and permanently enhance the quality of the campers life is proclaimed throughout the land, or at least Piedmont, by all the parents who have deposited their little lovelies there for the last several years. Sigh, lament, sigh, lament again…I suppose old quilts and trashy magazines could lead to lounging, lounging could lead to day-dreaming, daydreaming could lead to creative thought and geez, who knows what the heck that could lead to. So, fare thee well you Piedmont summer folk!  Off you go! Adults, to a
Sustainable Organic Farming Camp with a Corporate Teambuilding Component and kids….take your pick!   Future Quantum Physicists of America Camp, Andre Agassi Tennis Camp, David Beckham Soccer Camp, Trek the Himalayas Camp, African Safari Camp (Yes, in Africa, duh..), Civil War Re-enactment Camp (Yes, you’ll actually shoot people and contract syphilis…c’mon, it’s all part of the experience!), George Lucas Film Production Camp, Stalk and Kill Your Own Bear Camp (the insurance on this one can be a little pricey), Sociological Exploration Camp, Extreme Jet Powered Kite Surfing Camp, Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro Camp (Yes, you actually climb it). Go on! Live the life!  Dream the dream! Upon your return I’ll flag down the ice cream truck.  I think the prices have gone up but for about $2 we can get a handful of Otter-Pops.  We’ll enjoy them in sun…on my blanket.  It’ll be fun.  Seriously.      
                                                                                                                           
A Brave New Group
E. Boyer
There it is.  In last week’s Post.  A tiny, little blurb that should give us the clue to brace ourselves.  It said “We have a gap of $1.2 million.  I think we can close the gap.”  That’s Piedmont School  District speak for  “get ready to take it in the rear-end because we’re preparing  to  cry poverty and will expect all the devoted citizens of Piedmont to pony-up.”   Grrr, Booo, Hiss…that’s the sound of all the unconditional PUSD supporters knashing their  teeth and bearing their claws.  Lighten-up kids…you aren’t really supposed to take me seriously, it says so at the end of every column!  But, seriously, sometimes I think of the PUSD as a spoiled child.  It demands funds and then sits back and waits for it’s ever hopeful parents to meet the demand.   No questions.  No expectations for improvement.  Just hand over the cash and no one gets hurt.  I think we all know how things turn out with the spoiled child…they grow up and blow their trust fund on a motorcycle gang member and then move back home at age 31 with no job, no prospects and in their Zen lifestyle “phase.”   Beautiful.   I know it’s horrifically unpopular to question the stupendousness of the PUSD but does this blind faith really benefit the kids?  Does this unconditional praise of the system really put our children first? Or, could it be crippling our district?  Taking away their incentive to improve?  Has anyone besides me ever thought, “Hey, rather than hand over truck loads of cash without expectation of improvements that would benefit the students and improve the quality of their education , maybe we should take a closer look at whether or not the system is genuinely working for the students and if the teachers and administrators are really the best the industry has to offer.”  More Grrrs , Boos and Hissing.  We spend tons of time and money conducting Environmental Impact reports, feasibility studies, turf vs. grass studies..why not really find out how are students are holding up?  Is the quality of their lives as good as it can be?  Are they happy?  Are they getting an education in the classroom or is most of that taking place at their kitchen tables at 2 a.m.?  We already know they test well…their parents have invested small fortunes to make sure of that.  But how are they really?  What is their quality of their education…in the classroom?  I know, it’s probably just me but I’d kinda like some real evidence that things are perfect rather than just a highly educated and intimidating group of PUSD cheerleaders insisting that it’s so.  I realize that cocktails and hob-nobbing at all the big fundraisers are way sexier than taking a close look at the inner workings of the PUSD.  It’s like a new kitchen vs. repairing the foundation.   Some things are just more appealing.  More fun.  Here’s the thing…articles like this are hugely unpopular in this town and it’s out of the question to submit them if you still have children in the school system.  Why?  Because everyone is afraid that they’ll be tarred and feathered…and they’re probably right!  That’s a shame.  It’s as though everyone is hiding behind the secret thought that maybe the education their child is getting here doesn’t quite measure up to the 3 million they paid for their house. Or, If their child doesn’t stay at the top of their class they won’t be Cal or Ivy bound and that would be embarrassing.  So, as parents who want only the best for our children, we forge ahead with tutors, ridiculous late night hours and far too much stress and anxiety, all the while wondering, secretly, privately…why isn’t my child getting what they need in the classroom?  If the system is so good, why is my child so miserable or exhausted?  I think a lot of parents have these thoughts.  But, they dare not speak them out loud because that would be unpopular.  So, with our children’s best interests in mind, when the next round of fundraising comes along, perhaps an extremely brave, conscientious and yes, unpopular group will form whose message will be “Yes, we’d like to support our schools and yes, we’ll write checks, but we’d first like to make the necessary adjustments in the system to ensure that our children’s educational needs are being met and preferably exceeded.” After all, it is the education and well being of the children that’s important.  New facilities are certainly lovely but a genuine education and real learning can occur under the shade of a tree assuming competent instruction.  As much as I love the new Havens structure, and I do, I also think it would have been wonderful to see a few million go into programs that would enhance the actual education part of the educational system. And in doing so, maybe lessen the need for students staying up until 2 a.m. ,anti-depressants, tutors, etc.  Hey, who knows, maybe they could even enjoy being kids for awhile.
   

No Mom, I Don't Want A glass of Chardonnay

E. Boyer

Good Lord...E. Boyer

Ahhhh, high school graduation.  Our talented young fledglings leaving the nest, flying high on to their bright and promising futures.  Filled with dreams and optimism about the adventures they’ll soon embark upon. So scholarly in their cap and gown often draped with a colorful flower lei for a touch of whimsy.  The weather cooperates fully in deference to the significance of the day and the stands are filled to capacity with adoring relatives.  Yes indeed, this is the stuff of which dreams are made.  Wait…whatha..why is that child vomiting?  Come to think of it, all of these promising young graduates look a little green around the gills.  Oh, for corn sakes!  Is it possible that the little Einsteins are hungover?!? Well, pick your chin up off the floor, what did you expect?  Most of them are coming from an all-nighter that one of the families hosted to honor the young darlings.  I know, I know, the legal drinking age is 21 in the state of California but apparently in Piedmont this law is open to interpretation.  So, fast forward and here we are with hungover high school graduates because somebody’s parent had the bright idea that the best way to be popular in their child’s eyes would be to host the teenage cocktail party.  And yes, Mrs. Takeyourbrainoutofyourass, wine and champagne are, in fact, still considered alcohol.  And no, serving it in pretty little glasses doesn’t change that.  Being drunk after17  crystal flutes of champagne served in someone’s beautifully landscaped yard is no different than being drunk from 7 shots of Tequilla served up at the local bar.  Seriously guys, what’s the deal with this?  #1 It’s illegal.  #2 It’s dangerous.  #3 No, none of the kids think you’re cool, in fact they find you downright immature and creepy and if the alcohol doesn’t make them vomit, being served a drink by someone’s scantily clad mom definitely will.  Yep…”pathetic” is the word one student used to summarize their opinion of the parents at a few of such gatherings.  Well, for heaven’s sake, that’s sad.  To put all that time and energy into planning the perfect party, the countless hours deciding between Merlot or Cabernet, Margerita or Cosmopolitan, Corona or Trumer Pilsner and then to be thought of as merelypathetic.  Gee, that’s…well…pathetic!  Tip: Six words a high school student neverwants to hear muttered from his parents lips while at a party..”Sweetheart, would you like a beer?”  Uh..no, mom.  Actually, what I was hoping for was a positive role model, love and guidance and for you to be my rock in this rough and unpredictable river of life.  And while you’re at it, could you please stop trying to be cool in front of my friends?  You already had your turn at being a kid and it’s our turn, now.  We’ll secretly get our own beer if we want it and there are way more important things you could be helping us with.  Seriously, that’s what they’re saying.
Congrats class of 2010!  Yes, most of you really are smarter than your parents!
 

Living Timeline And Pixie-Stix For Dinner

E. Boyer
I had a charmed youth. Parental supervision was a very different thing back then. In fact, in my case, it was practically non-existent! I often wonder how we survived it. Still, my memories of nearly complete freedom are permanent. I always considered my parent's ineptitude a gift. After all, it's what allowed me to eat pixie-stix for dinner and swim with friends in the pond down the road until all hours of the night in summer, skipping home beneath a warm starlit sky in little more than our underwear. Imagine, allowing your 8 year old to swim, unsupervised in a pond, in the woods, in the dark with a pack of other wild-spirited children..Good Lord...It just wouldn't happen today.

My morning routine as a child would, today, be just as unlikely. Cheerios were the newest convenience and all the rage. If anything was predictable in my childhood, it was my father, before sun-up, at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in one hand, a cigarette in the other, his ear leaning toward a little transistor radio and a box of Cheerios at the ready. Of course, no bowl of Cheerios was complete without at least 4 tablespoons of sugar. Good 'ole C&H. Another permanent memory is that of the syrupy sludge that resided at the bottom of my bowl. It was the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Research has since taught us that all that sugar isn't good but, for me as a child, I believe that sugary heaven at the bottom of my bowl, courtesy of my father, was directly related to every one of my happy mornings. I recognize that parents, today, wouldn't consider such a thing and with good reason. It's just too much darned sugar. But, I stand firm, even now, that one of life's finest pleasures is a chocolate old-fashioned from Colonial Doughnuts and a cup of strong coffee before sun-up. It's one of the few things guaranteed to render 100% satisfaction!


Thomas Jefferson wrote of a time "...when youth and health made happiness out of every thing." I'm reminded of this almost daily. From my upstairs window and over the past many years, I've had the privilege of watching the neighborhood kids walk past on their way to school. A living timeline right below my window. I've literally seen them go from Kindergarten to now having children of their own. Growing up on the sidewalk beneath my window. They trudged off to Kindergarten and then, as if by magic, on the return trip they're tall, lanky Seniors. All, right before my eyes on the sidewalk below my window. I don't know how I'd market this feature if I ever decided to sell my home. I suppose I could say "Just watch from this window, a few minutes every day for the next few decades and I guarantee you'll be amazed." A fine feature, I think.

In the mornings, their outbound trips are characterized by the typical disheveled rush to get to school on time. But, the afternoons are different. With a lazy, care-free gait, they drape themselves over one another, hold hands, talk to themselves, sing, drag sticks, chat in small groups at the stop sign across the street. Basking in the freedom of no adult supervision whatsoever if only for a moment. A treasure to behold. There's one group that consists of three boys and a girl. I often wonder when she...and they will become aware of her beauty. Will it suddenly be awkward or will they remain fast friends? I hope the latter is true.

It's their return trip that reminds me of my own childhood. It's that bit of time before the weight of homework and expectations hover down around them. Before they're required to use "inside" voices and stay within the lines. Before criticism and negativity and the burden of hectic schedules mar their glorious, youthful spirit. It's that snippet of time when they devour the joy of being young and free....when youth and health make happiness out of everything.
I could be wrong but, I bet they'd love to have pixie-stix for dinner...





32 Sticks of Butter
E. Boyer
Havens is nearly finished.  It looks like it’ll be ready for all the little tykes by the start of school in late August.  I think we can thank the 2006 Measure E and it’s  $56 million for this crowning jewel.  Measure E, by the way, was the largest bond measure in Piedmont’s history.  In 1991 or 92 a bond measure passed in the range of 25 million.  It was considered outlandish at the time.  The measure that passed in 2006 was more than twice that.  Is it me or does that seem disproportionate to the size of our city and school district?  56 million dollars!  Geez, guys…that’s a lot of money.  Really.  It’s a lot.  My understanding is that about 22 million was used to build Havens. A guaranteed cost from the folks who built it.  Well, I guess for $22 million you could pretty much guarantee to giterdone within the budget!  That’s kinda like saying “I guarantee that if I put 32 sticks of butter in this cake it will taste rich and delicious.”  Or, “If I poke you in the eye with this knitting needle it will hurt.”  You can pretty much take that one to the bank.  It’s comforting to have a guarantee.  It takes the worry out of a situation.  I don’t recall having many guarantees when my kids were at Havens and frankly, I felt triumphant when they arrived home at the end of the day without any broken bones or pending lawsuits.  Good times.  I read in the Post last week that the turf they’re using for the playfield at Havens is manufactured in Italy.  Bravisimo!  It would appear that they’ve spared no expense.  But, I do believe that you get what you pay for and I’m sure that importing the turf from Italy was a reasonable decision. So, three cheers for the new Havens.  It’s really very nice.
Naturally, all this big dollar talk about Havens got me to thinking about the entire district which has 2,542 students.  Suppose there was a bond measure to increase the budget for the actual education?  What if, for every single student in the district we hired a private tutor for an hour, 4 days per week.  The going rate for a tutor is about $75 per hour.  So, that’s 2542 students x 4 days per week = 10,168 sessions per week x 75 per hour =$762,600 per week x 36 weeks in the school year =  $27,453,600 for tutoring for every single student in the district, including kindergarten, for a year.   Geez, guys.  That’s a lot of education.  But, what if we made it more realistic because kindergarteners and first graders probably don’t need tutoring.  So, let’s subtract about 300 students for the K-1st in all three schools.  That brings us to about 2,242 students.  And, since a private tutor for each and every child would be decadent, let’s say we have one tutor for each group of 5 students.  That’s about 448 groups or 448 tutors at $75 per hour.  That’s $33,600 per hour x 4 days per week = $134,400 per week x 36 weeks per school year = $4,838,400.  So, if we used the $56 million that we voted on in 2006, that would give us 11 years of tutoring for all of the students 2nd through 12th grades in the entire district, an hour a day, 4 days per week.  Better check my math but, that’s a lot of tutoring.   Don’t get me wrong.  A new facility is nice but, wouldn’t an education be even better? I’d probably like a cake made with 32 sticks of butter but, I’m sure I could make better choices.  I don’t know the rules about bond measures and all that stuff, but wouldn’t it be great if that big chunk of cash could go toward education?  Can we do that?  Otherwise, we’ll have to bake tons of brownies for the bake sale that will generate that kind of cash.  But, we could probably charge more if we used lots of butter.