Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Jackass Category

E. Boyer

Do we need a new theater?  Yes.  Is it because someone fell off the stage or tripped down the steps?  No.   I understand that most students who participated in  theater during their high school years hold dear memories of camaraderie beneath the dusty, backstage rafters and moments of center-stage glory.  It makes sense that they would fiercely defend their theater's right to enhancements and that they would carry the torch of thespian pride.  But, to cite falling off the stage, tripping down the steps or simply having fond memories as  justification for the theater's renovation isn't exactly compelling.  Understandable from nostalgic, young college students, but not compelling.  Still, I think even among the most devoted of PHS theater alumni we'd be hard pressed to find any who would agree with the notion that decreasing the number of seats in such an elaborate remodel is a good idea.  Their letters to the editor may be sophomoric, but the students aren't unintelligent. 

Students in support of their old theater is admirable.  Charming, in fact.  What's abhorrent is the exploitation of one community member's disability as a pitch for the project.  I honestly feel like crying every time I see the marketing pieces and lawn signs for Measure H...a thoughtless design as if someone used the first wheelchair image they found on a Google search and rushed to print so they could sound the accessibility alarm as quickly as possible.  I'm embarrassed and ashamed that our town is using one young man in particular and disabled people in general in this terrible way.  It seems our audacity knows no bounds when it comes to getting what we want.  If addressing the needs of disabled community members is the reason for the new theater, why wasn't the theater made more accessible long ago with ramps, appropriate seating areas and larger bathrooms?   Now, when we want funds for a new theater we're suddenly passionate about the need for improved accessibility?  Folks, why do we do this?  Every time we want something we cry "safety" and now, for this particular project, we're adding "accessibility."  With Havens, an epic collapse was surely just ahead if we didn't rush to replace it, crushing all of the children inside.  Now, with the theater it's suddenly about the urgent need for trip-proof stairs and improved accessibility.  Why can't we just say that we want a shiny new theater instead of using someone's disability to garner support?  Don't we assume that any school renovation project will include upgrades for safety and accessibility..isn't it a requirement?   Why are we waving it around as though it's our thoughtful gift to the disabled community?  I'm disgusted and it might surprise you to know that I'm in favor of a new theater even at the ridiculous cost because I understand that this is how things work in Piedmont.  But, these latest shenanigans by whomever is steering this behemoth is so infuriating to me that it's given me pause to reconsider.  It would be nice if occasionally we could refrain from turning into jackasses every time a project is in the pipeline and using someone's disability as a marketing tactic absolutely falls into the jackass category.  Are they corrupt? Lazy? Indifferent? Certainly not.  I think people who get involved with such an undertaking have only good intentions, but somewhere in the process they often lose their minds and the whole things starts to resemble a carnival side-show!  What should be a community effort  to determine what upgrades are needed, what all the additional fun stuff will cost and how much the community is willing to pay for turns into a colossal mess.


There is no shame in saying we want a nice theater.  Piedmont is a community with million dollar homes on every street, our teenage children drive luxury vehicles, we have second homes, belong to exclusive country clubs, our kindergarteners have iPhones and suddenly we're overcome with such gentility and decorum that we can't admit that we want a swanky new theater?!?  For the record, I want a swanky new theater, but I'm not about to grab disabled people off the street to do my bidding for me!  Raise my taxes, ask me for a donation and put the damn thing out for a vote!  They got away with the fear mongering in the Havens boondoggle, but we're weary this time around.  Why not try a little honesty in your pitch?  Something like: "Let's build a beautiful, new theater.  Our performing arts programs deserve it and so do we, for that matter.  My clothes feel sticky when I leave the Alan Harvey Theatre. A tetanus shot comes to mind every time I get jabbed from the springs in the worn-out seats and the carpet smells like urine and old play dough.   The stage is ugly, the sound system is pointless and the drapes look like something from a Bela Lugosi movie.  The whole thing is depressing.  Let's build a new theatre.  It'll be expensive, but it'll be great and of course we'll make it safe and A.D.A. complaint."  Put that on the lawn signs and you've got my vote!