Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Enjoy, Re-Hide, Leave Clues



E. Boyer
 
Is it me or has this Gift/Moraga Canyon/Blair Park project been on the burner for a long time?  Why so controversial?  I have to be honest..I've hardly seen more than a bird scratching around on the homely, little parcel.  But, judging by some of the circulating info, there's a whole Wild Kingdom type thing at stake.  I half expect life size Marlin Perkins cut-outs to spring up next to all the Save Moraga Canyon signs.  Wouldn't that be funny?   Oh, this just in:  I'm old and many of you may not remember Marlin Perkins.  Take my word for it...it's funny!  Aahh...nostalgia.
Fact is, the little slip of earth on Moraga Avenue has turned into quite the quarrelsome thing.  I still can't figure out why Oakland residents are weighing in on a project that isn't in...Oakland.  I'm also confused by the bounty of Save Moraga Canyon signs that flank  homes that are built in..Moraga Canyon.  I guess they weren't as in touch with the wild kingdom in Moraga Canyon when they built their homes...in Moraga Canyon.  Well, we're all entitled to change our minds.  Still, seems a little selfish that, once their needs were met by building/buying their homes on the glorious wooded strip, they now extol it's value as a bird and oak tree sanctuary.  To be fair, based on the article in the Chronicle, the biggest objection is the potential danger for children crossing Moraga Avenue.  But, there's also the risk of being injured or worse while traveling on the freeway to get to play fields in Alameda and Orinda.  Heck, some of those Piedmont SUVs are packed to the brim with kids, energy bars and so-called vitamin drinks...enough hidden sugar and caffeine to blow the hub caps right off!  Combine that with a stressed-out carpool parent and rush hour traffic...geez...we might wanna take our chances with a cross-walk on Moraga Avenue.   Sure, I'm a little slanted.  Truth is, I'll typically support anything that will benefit a child. I certainly don't play soccer and I don't imagine I'll frequent the proposed new park.  But, a lot of kids will. 
 
It's too bad the project has everyone up in arms.  But, I suppose we're all at the mercy of our own passions.  Human nature.  We want what we want.  Based on the outcome of last week's City Council meeting, the project has the green light.  I can't help but wonder if that's the green light for sometime in the next year or the green light for sometime in the next 10 years. Can someone please tell me why, in the name of Holy Moses these things take so long?!  I know, I know...who knows how holy Moses really was.  True story or just a work of fiction that really caught on?  Digression..I apologize.    Anyhoodle, I hope that rather than suing the City of Piedmont, opponents will consider embracing the newly developed space.  Yoga?  Mahjong?  Coffee and the Sunday newspaper?  Heck, if you keep your wits about you, you can probably sneak down there after the kids clear out for a highball and a cigarette...Oh, c'mon!  It was fun before we knew it was bad for us.  And of course, you might even consider attending a soccer game.  Many years after my children graduated from high school and sought out greener pastures, I still loved attending local sporting events.  The essence of youth.  Tell you what, just to be on the safe side, I'm gonna hide a pack of Pall Malls and a flask of Johnnie Walker Black in the new park.  I'll leave clues and everyone who finds it will do the same..enjoy, re-hide, leave clues.  An ongoing scavenger hunt.."Geocache," they call it these days.  Now, that's what I call making the best of a controversial situation!  And, so much more fun than a lawsuit..
 
p.s  Oh, by the way, bring your own glass and ice..sheesh, guys, I can't do everything! 
 

Friday, December 2, 2011

At Least Re-Fluff The Ribbon


E. Boyer

With Thanksgiving behind us, it’s time to set our sights on the upcoming winter festivities.  The post Thanksgiving shopping started with a bang thanks to the addition of  pepper spray as a competitive shopping tactic.  I have to be honest..I really didn't see that one coming.  Sheesh!  I’ve heard of folks showing up at the crack of dawn for a sale-of-the century event but the addition of pepper spray was an unexpected twist.  Who knew??  But, I can see how it might come in handy.  I had an aunt who, every time upon entering my house would exclaim "No housekeeper today, huh?!?"  I think a little pepper spray would have done nicely.  Tempting..but, perhaps not the direction we wanna go this holiday season.  Another temptation we should try hard to resist is that of the holiday "newsletter."  There..I said it!  As much as we love you and your family, we don't want a three page update about your year and no, no, no it isn't any better if you force it into a Night Before Christmas parody!  Good Lord, pick up the phone once in a while or stop by and fill us in!  If I'm left out of the loop to the degree that I'm hearing for the first time, via a holiday newsletter, that your youngest is going to medical school, your spouse was appointed Poet Laureate and you're finally settled into your new home, I'm just not relevant enough to you to be on your list of newsletter recipients!  Here's a holiday word for you..Bailey's.  Funny, isn't it?  You know exactly where I'm headed.  This syrupy Irish liqueur is the veritable poster child for re-gifting.  Every, year we pull out the ole standby, tie a red ribbon around it or re-fluff the one left on it from last year and take it as a gift to one of the holiday parties.  Sweet Mary, has this not gone on long enough!?!?  I think a bottle from 1974 still circulates my neighborhood to this very day.  Between you and me...if you can ignore the varnish-like coating it leaves on your teeth, a little nip before bed on a cold night isn't half bad.  So, if it comes your way this year..and it will..just open it, drink it, pour it over ice cream, add it to your oatmeal..whatever it takes to put an end to this staid but relentless ritual.  I should probably clarify that drinking the whole thing by yourself and especially at a party and more specifically an office party certainly wouldn't be prudent.  Nope..that promotion you got does not mean you can handle any more alcohol than you could last year and photos of you in a drunken stupor, fondling someone else's spouse will most assuredly be captured on everyone's iPhone.  I'd be remiss if I didn't offer this last cautionary tidbit...The fact that you can drive home after eight glasses of wine doesn't make any of us feel better about sharing the road with you.  Your public service announcement that you're an excellent driver even while under the influence does not mean that you actually are an excellent driver.  It means that you're drunk and belligerent and someone should take your keys.  Other than that, I think we're all set for another special holiday season in Piedmont.  I'd like to point out that there's no better season for our beloved  tartan plaid..a fashion favorite for the christmas tree lighting.  Ya' know, they serve hot cider at the christmas tree lighting.  It's good with a little Bailey's in it..