Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Super Hot...Un-edited Version
 (The Post boogered me up pretty good this week!  Read this version...it's way better!!)
E. Boyer
Well, it’s come to this.  I was listening to the radio while driving today.  The announcer said “C’mon, get those entries in for our Hot Mom contest!”  He went on to say how Angelina Jolie and Gwen Stefani can’t be the only hot moms out there and we therefore must all quickly submit our entries for moms whom we think are hot .  When I got home, I Googled Angelina and Gwen to see what all the fuss was about.  First off, let me point out that Angelina is 35 years old.  Everyone is hot when they’re 35 years old!!  Kid stuff!!  For corn sakes, being hot at 35 is a cake walk!  Secondly, I’m pretty sure these two ladies have a team of professionals who make them look hot.  God sakes, Medusa wouldn’t have been half bad if you put a team of make-up artists and a personal trainer on her 6 days a week!  The announcer didn’t specify the age for this Hot Mom contest so I assume moms of all ages could enter.  This made me little sad thinking of women, just a titch past their so-called prime, rushing to send in their photo in hopes of still being the hottest of them all.  Oh, Dear.  Sigh.  Lament.  Let’s go ahead and take this thing to it’s logical conclusion:  Women enter.  I assume the photos on which listeners vote would be posted somewhere.  The contestant  with the most ooohs and aaahs will win.  Translated: all of the other contestants who initially thought themselves hot, will now take a sharp left turn to Negative Town upon discovering that, based on a vote of pathetic losers (after all, who else over the age of 19 votes on these things) they, in fact, are not hot. Honestly, people!  Why not try something really fun and gather all the moms together in early March, fresh out of a lapsing gym membership and winter hibernation when their skin hasn’t seen the sun since last August, throw them into a brightly lit dressing room with full-length mirrors at every angle and have them try on bathing suits?!?  Sweet mother of God!  What is wrong with us??!!??  Why do we put ourselves in these impossible situations?  Hot Mom?!?  Really???  Is that to say that upon becoming a mother, women are suddenly rendered so unattractive that a radio station has to have a contest just to seek out that one mom who is still glass-slipper worthy?    Why, on earth, would we begin and end the exploration of moms with who is hot?   Do moms not have enough on their plates without being sized-up by a bunch of under-sexed idiots at a radio station??  Good lord, pass the estrogen, please!  I was thinking that, after the dressing room, me and all the moms that I know could go and enter the contest en masse.  Strength in numbers!  But, then I remembered that we probably wouldn’t be finished saving the world.  Hot moms do that kinda stuff.   Hot moms??  Don’t be silly.  Super hot mom is more like it…..